There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize