Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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