So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
