i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
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