Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
