im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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