I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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