so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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