Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
