he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
