Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
