Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
