i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
