What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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