I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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