Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
