as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
