i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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