you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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