That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
