I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Your penis caused this!
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
