ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Sorry about my life...
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
