i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize