what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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