I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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