I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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