When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
