No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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