do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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