But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Sober January is a disaster.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
