I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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