It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
