I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
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