Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
