plz talk dirty to me
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
