So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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