She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
