Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I wish i was in the wii world.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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