okay pat passed out under dana's car
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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