I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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