i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
