Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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