I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
