Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
