What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
where am i from again
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
