cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
