You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
