Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
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