Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize