halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
