Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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