I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
two words...techno handjob
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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