I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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