I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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