She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
This girl is more easily done than said...
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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