What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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