I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
