Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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