U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
