im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
