I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
