all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
