We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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