it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I wish i was in the wii world.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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