this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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