Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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