She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
