Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Randomize