I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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