Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
