LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
