I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
