First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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