i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
