Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
