I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
