I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
