did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize